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Oct. 18, 2016

Scary Lunch Foods to Avoid at Work

Nothing makes you that guy in the office more than your lunch being the reason a concerned coworker called the hazmat team and had the entire building evacuated. Oblivious of other people’s noses is no way to go through life. Do us all a favor and this Halloween, keep the horror to the late night scary movie marathons and out of the lunchroom. Ensure that your professional legacy isn’t food stench related—read through this list of the most scary lunch foods to avoid at work to make sure you don’t become that guy.

  • Kimchi
    Whatever health benefits kimchi provides are instantly mitigated depending on which way the wind blows. We get it, Oppa Gangnam Style. It’s a staple food rich in nutrients and vitamins and the pride of a nation. The pride of an office at lunchtime, however, it is not. There is a time and place for everything, and while delicious and healthy, kimchi’s time is not during lunch in a concentrated office space without windows.
  • Reheated Fish
    If there is something rustic and charming about making an office smell like a harbor, we haven’t found it yet. Leave the lifeless fish at the docks and do us all a favor—don’t bring any for lunch. At no point in the natural life cycle of a fish does the microwave make an appearance, and neither should an office full of people with noses and deadlines.
  • Family-sized tub of cottage cheese
    What’s with you and all that cottage cheese anyway? What are you out to prove? It’s time to reevaluate your cottage cheese-related life priorities.
  • Burnt Popcorn
    Sometimes science goes too far. Should we even be popping corn? Moral questions aside, there’s a reason why burning popcorn smells like a Hitchcock horror movie feels. Please don’t.
  • That stuff in the back of your home refrigerator. Behind the leftover’s leftovers
    Living in Hawaii requires a certain level of frugality. Understood. You’d surely treat yourself to something special or a nice meal as a reward for your thriftiness but that would be joyous and cost money. Just because you like to live life dangerously and play food poisoning roulette doesn’t mean people just trying to make a living in your office must needlessly suffer. They have families.

There are a lot of unwritten rules of professionalism. Always arrive early for appointments, dress appropriately, and keep a diary ranking the firmness of your colleagues’ handshakes—these are just a few of the important ones. Be a consummate professional and don’t bring any foods that you’ll later disown and pretend didn’t belong to you. As professionals, we are all entrusted with upholding a sacred vow not to make work any more uncomfortable than it already is. Don’t let the office down.

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